if there’s one thing that i could tell you

of the many things I could say to you,
if there’s one thing,
that i could tell you,
that’s burned deeply in my mind,
something as vibrant as spring flowers,
as bright as summer days,
something so wonderful,
that it’s almost disheartening when it’s not around.
if there’s one thing,
that it is,
it’s genuine.
and when i’m audience to this one thing,
i feel as though i’ve achieved greatness.
even when you don’t think i notice,
i notice.
and sometimes it’s hard for me to put into words what i’m thinking,
or what i’m feeling.
but if it’s this one thing,
that i could tell you right now,
it’s that your smile is the most beautiful thing that’s ever haunted me.



room of death

i walked slowly into the small, contained room.
the stench of rotting corpses hit my nostrils.
smelling the exact opposite of delicious,
like a loved one making you breakfast in the morning, it filled the room.

i let out a gasp
and pinched my nose.
i wouldn’t be here if i didn’t have to be.
the kind of smell that you can almost see manifested, wafting around you.

it crawled over my skin,
and i shivered.
i thought that my vomit would shortly be added to the misery of this place.
i would run, but i had a job to complete.

as i neared what i was looking for,
the room tightened around me.
no matter how hard i pinched my nose closed,
the smell pierced through the creases in my nostrils,
like an otherworldy creature’s sharp nails digging in,
dying to take my soul.

as i approached what i was looking for,
i glanced down and saw the source,
of this deathly, rotted hell.
i gagged.

for there is nothing worse,
than a workplace bathroom.
someone always forgetting to flush,
and someone always to follow.

may God save your soul.

i could love you

the sound of a stem snapping.
a flower pulled from the ground. 
i look it over,
as if it was something i’d never seen.
colors vibrant under the light of the sun.
i admired it wishfully,
twirling it between my fingers.
its reddish center staring back,
its eye focused on mine.
i could love you,
i thought.
i could love you too,
it replied.
but theres a problem.
whats that kind sir?
you’re just a flower.
indeed i am kind sir.
petals as purple as dreams,
each one pulsing outward.
brighter and deeper
over and over,
showing off its beauty,
i smiled.
thank you.
this time not a thought,
but a whisper,
as i held it next to my lips,
sharing my life with it.
i breathed in deeply.
it too shared its life with me.
you’re welcome kind sir.
convinced i would take it from this place,
carry it with me all of my days.
i would have
if i believed it could be as bright for me forever,
as it was in this moment.
i laid it down,
in a bed among the bright green grass.
its edges turned dark.
black as the night,
it spread inward among its pedals
to its beautiful red center.
each slowly crumpled,
turning to ash
as it died,
like they all do.
i plucked another from the ground,
admiring it for a moment.
i looked inward.
my center bright as the sky,
hoping my edges would pulse,
like they did before i died.

special thanks to the girl, who without asking, read my palm and said i’d die young

palms open,
droplets like meteorites
splash down upon the ridges of my hands,
falling stars like my thoughts,
pouring over me,
as I’m lit on fire.
the clouds they threaten,
like a bully in grade school.
if they had their way,
they’d put me out.
might not be so bad.
thoughts to myself,
as dirt begins to cover me from head to toe,
i crawl deeper into this cavern,
that only i can go.
you wouldn’t want to,
no you wouldn’t want to.
selfishness be damned,
would you?
for me,
the clown,
the mistake maker.
i thought not.

one finger closes
two, three, four and five.
a fist
i shake like the earth,
hoping it feels me.
not even that can stop
those drops from falling.
they don’t comfort me.
makes no difference really.
having no animosity towards me
sliding from my hand,
moving on to their next destiny.
they swirl in circles.
i could be mistaken,
but they did try to warm me.
can i hitch a ride?
my mind is going anyway,
my thoughts draining me.

this worn memory

a scarred thread on an old shirt,
the kind that can’t be stitched.
a time before you were mine and i was yours.
your necklace catching on it,
while you sat on my lap.
it was one of the first times we kissed.
i looked down at it with lost affection,
grasped between my thumb and index finger.
a memory written all over this particular shirt,
captivated in me in the moment.
such a simple thread,
tied to you
somewhere in my tired heart.

some kind of disposition

the cold air crept in around us
my body reacting to an internal circumstance
it splintered and bruised
unexpected and undesired consequences
my mind took over
my darkness, the pilot
i lay still for those days
pondered why i wasted all i had
why i treated those like passing fancies
it swirled and tilted like a child spinning in circles
numbed by a warm blanket and flickering screen of nothing
ruminations on undeterminable evidence
leading me away from the light
a well needed visit and instilled confidence
but again my body weakened from within
filled with distress
i rested and rested
each ache i felt leaving worries on my mind
days pass and i ponder if i might be broken
a shining light and comfort appear as a shadow in my eyes
the loneliest i’ve been
but hope is like an antibiotic to my darkness
and im looking to fill my prescription
so i write and i write.

Green Light, Red Light

I pulled on to the ramp of the freeway. Traffic was really starting to pick up, like it always does around this time. It was early, maybe 8:30.

This particular on-ramp had one of those stop and go lights that make it so only one car can go at a time.

The one where you think there’s some dweeb in a control room somewhere staring at you on camera, just fucking with you. The order of lights suddenly changes as you pull up and when you think you’re supposed to go, another lane’s light turns green.

Thankfully that wasn’t the case today.

As I pulled up to the line to wait my turn, the lane to left of me turned green.

Seconds later my light followed, but as I moved my car, a blue Hyundai to the left of me sped through, cutting me off.

That son of a bitch.

I sped up as fast as I could and followed closely behind. “Not today” I thought.

I peered through his back window until we locked eyes in his rearview mirror.

“You think you’re gonna get away with this?” I thought inside my slowly twisting mind.

I pulled my car up along side his, as we sped down the freeway. Furious, I stared over at a moderately overweight, middle aged man in a button up shirt and a goatee that was never in style, who thought he was better than everyone else. You know the kind.

Today he messed with the wrong guy.

I slammed into the side of his car. The sound of screeching metal pierced the air.

Blue and black paint peeled from the sides of our cars. Widening my eyes, I laughed, maniacally.

Immense fear and dread filled his face as I stared him down.

I continued to bury the side of my car into his, until we came to a stop on the edge of the freeway.

Calmly, I exited my car and walked toward his ugly, blue piece of junk.

Twisted, dented, and shattered, his car appeared as a devilish trophy in my eyes.

He was in shock and terrified as I approached his door. I pulled him through his window and slammed his heavy body onto the hot asphalt.

He looked up at me with only terror in his eyes.

And with a derisive laugh I said to him, “Why didn’t you just wait your turn?”

I reached down, grabbing him by his shirt collar, to finish what he had started and…

Horns. Nonstop horns.

I looked around; I was sitting in my car still at the on-ramp. The entire lane of cars behind me, honked in unison.

I had missed my light and several other sequences of lights after that.

Hunched over and slightly embarrassed, I lifted my hand and waved to apologize.

Fuckin’ road rage.

A Life Taken Too Soon

Writhing in pain, he lay at my feet.

His body was broken as his life was passing.

His legs moved ever so slightly as he stared at me with much dismay.

What had I done?

It was only an accident. I swear.

Blood, and guts seeped from his body and I stared back at him as if to apologize.

Had your life been worth it? I imagined speaking this to him.

In a completely catatonic state, I knew he wouldn’t reply.

Why? I imagined him asking me with his last breath.

Why have you taken my life?

He must have had a family somewhere.

Family that cared for him, like my family cares for me.

I’m sure they’ll be missing him when the dinner bell rings.

Hopefully there’s no search parties after 48 hours.

I turned away as his legs stopped moving and his eyes glazed over.

I felt terrible, but to be honest I would’ve done it on purpose if it wasn’t for the accident.

As I turned back around, with a single solid swipe of a paper towel I cleared his wretched body from the ground and threw him in the trash.

That damn dirty cockroach.

Invisible Man. A non in-depth exposé on my day of Snapchat

I was snapping all day, pictures of my food, pictures of my face making faces, pictures of what I was looking at, pictures of the urinal I was peeing in, and so on and so forth.

I received snaps as well, pictures of food, pictures of faces making faces, videos of dancing, pictures of dogs napping, and so on and so forth.

At a certain point there’s almost nothing left to snap as one’s day is coming to an end. It’s time to move forward, go to sleep and snap my breakfast in the morning.

But alas, a friend I had been snapping with all day, decided to send one last silly, meaningless snap. They sent a picture of darkness and their caption was “I’m invisible.”
I’m assuming they had reached the point of ultimate boredom.

I sent back a similar photo of darkness.
My caption was “I’m invisible too. Here is what I’d look like if I wasn’t”

The point is, I’m like a really great artist, ok?

Dimmed lights, filled seats

Picture this…

The sweet tearing sound of a ticket.

Buttery, oily, hot popcorn. Cold, crispy pickled jalapenos on top.

Ice cold soda pop, sweating in your hands.

Dimmed lights, filled seats.

Energy, excitement fill the air.

The green screen of coming attractions.

Laughter at the latest funny joke out of context.

Applause at the soon to be released holiday epic.

A poorly put together advertisement for silencing your phones plays as tiny lights speckle the theater.

The main studio logo appears, signally it’s time.

Bodies moving to the edges of seats in anticipation.

The beginning scene fades in as an excited silence fills the room.

This is it.

And it begins…

behind you to the left, one old broad starts explaining to another old broad each and every scene that takes place in front of your eyes.

Thanks old broads.

Will this commentary track be available on the blu-ray?